MEMORY FOAM: Dream Killer

Sarah Janes

If you are waking up miserable on a memory foam mattress, you’re not the only one. Before you get divorced, check yourself into the nuthouse or throw yourself off a cliff, try getting an old-skool mattress.

The perfect bed and bedding for harmonious nights and ecstatic dreaming — is never Memory Foam, Memory Gel or anything that has the word ‘Memory’ in it.

Look at this maniac preparing for a night of horrifying, sweaty nightmares

Why is it that all modern inventions with the word ‘memory’ in them actively promulgate the powers of Lethe (Goddess of Forgetting and sister to Mnemosyne — Goddess of Memory)? I have long had a bee in my bonnet about the cursed memory foam. Memory sticks are also ridiculous items that immediately disappear from memory once purchased, but memory foam is just PURE evil. This article is anecdotal — but I know that a wealth of material exists in scientific papers and studies as to the toxic, unhealthy properties of memory foam, memory gel and other plastic mattresses, I just want to forcibly add my voice to those who dissent this mega dud that is destroying dreams and dreamers. Please do not allow anyone, anywhere to ever persuade you into any item of memory foam bed stuff. Just say NO.

It sucks that for most people the eco hipster, vegan companies that make mattresses out of the finest, breathable, natural materials known to mankind (like clouds over New Zealand, organic money spider webs or dolphin laughter) retail at about a million and a half pounds, but I’ve been sleeping on an old pocket sprung mattress that I think belonged to my landlord’s deceased mother (she died at about 100, so obviously didn’t do her any harm) and I have the best sleeps and most pleasurable dreams ever. The moral of this story is — invest in the best wherever you can, but also know that existing like an easily pleased, instinctual dog that rejects a comfy memory foam bed for bare floorboards at every opportunity can be just as much living the dream. And it’s ALL about the DREAM.

Memory foam, despite what anyone ever tells you, is simply NOT breathable, you may as well sleep on a heap of old melted tyres filled with paint. No amount of ‘open-cell’, ‘hybrid’, ‘gel-infused’ technology nonsense can compensate for this. This plastic devil spooge makes it difficult for your body to regulate its own temperature and as a result disturbs sleep cycles and disrupts your natural circadian rhythm which has an enormous amount of detrimental knock-on effects.

Lying in your disgusting memory foam bed, you may have experienced a violent burning of one side of the body and uncomfortable chills on the other side. Utterly ridiculous to live like this when healthy, undisturbed sleep with pleasant dreams is the most vital contributing factor to optimal health and happiness.

So to dreams, if you are boiling hot at night, your dreams will reflect this discomfort and often you will find yourself in fighting, disaster dreams which are tiresome and draining. You may find yourself waking up frequently and suddenly. Men and women may think they are prematurely going through the ‘change’ and if in fact they are going through the change, their misery is more than doubled. Toxic bedding may also worsen conditions such as obstructive sleep apnea and contribute to a host of circadian rhythm disorders. The fixed, moulding-to-the-body effect may increase incidents of sleep paralysis, snoring and restless leg syndrome, as you have been stuck like an upturned tortoise in a bog all night. Disruption of circadian rhythms can lead to erratic menstrual cycles, depression, inflammation and basically everything crappy imaginable.

Make no mistake, manmade fibres make the most utterly lousy bedclothes. The best bedlinen is pure silk. Buy or make silk pillowcases especially (no need to spend £100 quid on one and definitely do not attempt to purchase on Silk is especially good for the face and hair and utterly, luxuriously comfortable. You will never need to turn a pillowcase to the cool side again. Linen or 100% cotton is also good, but everything else is horrible and poisonous. Please — treat yo’self! In the meantime, tell me your memory foam nightmares.

Writer, researcher and workshop facilitator on the subject of sleep, dream culture and practice.

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