I Remember: Dreaming with Highly Superior Autobiographical Memory
Interview with Rebecca Sharrock
By Sarah Janes
HSAM or Highly Superior Autobiographical Memory is a rare memory phenomenon in which a person displays a near perfect recollection of events and experiences from their lives. These individuals have been recognised as having a thorough understanding of the calendar and its patterns.
The rigorous criteria for HSAM diagnosis involves using calendar dates and public events to establish memory details. Individuals with HSAM also often exhibit behaviour that means they spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about their past. There are less than 100 confirmed cases around the world, but many will tell you that they remember being in the womb and have lucid dreams all the time.
I believe HSAM offers us an incredibly valuable insight into how sleep and dreaming is implicated in memory function.
SJ: Can you describe the testing procedure for HSAM?
RS: While I was being tested for HSAM (over a two year process before a diagnosis) I had to do many Skype talks with the UCI lab, as well as an MRI scan of my brain. Initially I was given a few screening tests which involved me having to give days of the week for past dates and holidays of my life, as well as questions about any news events I may have known about on or around those dates.
What the psychological researchers were looking for, were the specific ways in which I emotionally connect with experiences of my past. So in all of the tests I was given prior to a diagnosis, the smallest part was giving the day or date, and by far the largest part was describing my current and past feelings of that event. As well as the exact emotional reason as to why and how I recalled them.
Often the test would go for two hours and only three calendar dates from my past would be thoroughly questioned and discussed. The researchers always knew the exact psychological traits of HSAM, yet those of us being studied didn’t know. For further validation we were asked questions about our past in various ways for each and every test. Prior to the talks with the lab, we have no idea what’s coming up, or what we’ll be asked. So there is no way of studying for and feeling in any way ready for the test beforehand. That was the scariest part for me.
SJ: Did you have your sleep and dream memory investigated?
RS: I have never had my sleep and dream memory investigated by a clinic. However it is definitely known medically that I have Sleep Paralysis Disorder, for which I have been prescribed Anafranil. If I don’t take Anafranil, I experience sleep paralysis (where my body doesn’t immediately wake from REM sleep and I remain paralysed for up to 30 seconds) every single night. Sleep Paralysis Disorder is a condition where the brainwaves have difficulty shifting from the different cycles of sleep. A fair few of the doctors I see are concerned about how severe and frequent my Sleep Paralysis experiences are. Many of my family members have had chronic insomnia as well. In those cases it has greatly affected their ability to cope with daily life.
SJ: What has your sleep and dream life been like?
RS: My sleeping and dreaming life has been quite interesting for me, and I’ve developed a strong interest in this mysterious part of living as a result. Prior to my very early toddler years, I didn’t often experience dreams, but when I did it was frightening. Every night I felt like I really was being taken away to various strange places. When I was three years old and could finally voice these concerns to my mother, she told me that it is my mind that takes me to those places. That my mind was the only one who could bring me back home.
So for several years I would search for the character “mind” whilst dreaming, with constant questions about whether I’m allowed to go back home. Eventually I would find the character “mind” and they would finally give me permission to wake in the morning.
All my dreams are lucid too, as are many of my mother’s dreams. When a psychiatrist I saw as a teenager told my mother that this part of my dreaming process is unusual, Mum initially disagreed saying “But whenever I’ve been chased in a dream, I can consciously think of creating a door to escape”. Mum was surprised when the doctor told her that it’s not normal and that there must be a genetic reason for this.
After being terrified of dreams in my childhood, I’ve grown to used them, and see them as puzzles to solve in regards to my daily feelings. This helps a lot with my psychological mindset in my day-to-day life. Dreams are a great gift for humans and animals. They must never be taken for granted.
SJ: Do you feel like your ‘mind’ ever slips into oblivion? Perhaps during phases of deep sleep?
RS: During sleep I only ever recall REM Sleep. Deeper stages are when my mind fully turns off and I have no recollections of it. So as a dream (or a combination of dreams throughout the night) only lasts about 20 minutes on average, that’s how long I notice from falling asleep at night and waking up in the morning.
SJ: Do you feel refreshed when you wake up in the morning?
RS: On a typical morning when I’ve had a proper cycle of sleep, I feel very refreshed and ready to spring out of bed as soon as my alarm goes off at 5am. Experiencing both REM and NREM sleep is very important for me. Deeper stages of sleep are needed for me to feel completely free of fatigue, and dreams are needed for my psychological well-being throughout that next day. Dreaming is very much like a very affective meditation which allows me to sort through my innermost feelings, experiences and emotions.
SJ: Have you any memories that you can’t account for in waking or dreaming life? Perhaps a sense of a past, future or alternate life?
RS: It begins with the fact that both my dreaming and waking life are equally a part of my daily living. Memories from dreams and those of experiences while I’m awake are just as much relived by me. Often I relive memories of waking life experiences while I’m dreaming. Often I relive memories from dreams while I’m awake. In accordance with the latter, I do experience many déjà vu thoughts and feelings while I’m awake due to having dreamt about a new life event sometime in my past. Often it’s not of an event that I had ever before experienced outside of a dream and it’s always shocking and unexpected.
I strongly suspect that when every one of us experiences déjà vu the feeling always comes subconsciously or consciously from a past dream we had. When we’re able to recall all of our dreams it’s much easier to pinpoint where the feeling of “I’ve done this before” comes from.
SJ: I am absolutely stunned that HSAM study does not involve a sleep lab! They are missing a trick!
RS: I too feel that both memories, dreaming and sleep need to equally be studied because they are the main components of life and psychology. Also, it has been discovered that I can easily retrieve my past due to my conscious and subconscious mind (where our most mundane memories are stored) are more strongly connected than what’s typical. Thus dreams and memories are definitely linked!
SJ: How and when did you establish a relationship with the calendar?
RS: The first time I ever saw and paid attention to a calendar was in the year 1994 when Mum had one in the living room. With pictures of cats for every month. Mum explained (in a simple way) to me and my younger sister, the names of the months and days. As well as showing us how the weeks of a month were displayed horizontally, and how the page gets turned and folded up once a month ends. She also helped me to count the days down to my fifth birthday in December. That was the time when I began to fully grasp the concept of my birthday, holidays and other people’s birthdays. Yet I didn’t have my own calendar in my bedroom until many years later when I was 14.
SJ: Can you describe the way it feels to have all this memory at your fingertips?
RS: In regards to how it feels to have easy access to all of my past experiences it feels like my mind and emotions are constantly racing. There’s never a moment when I feel even halfway tranquil and relaxed (though mindfulness exercises and meditation are helping me a lot). If I was unfamiliar with a life like that I would find it very strange and emotionally hectic. Yet I’ve never known life differently, so it always feels like a typical day (positive at times and negative at others).
SJ: Reading about HSAM — one of the defining characteristics seems to be that individuals often spend a lot of time thinking about their past. Is this something you can relate to?
RS: I definitely almost always spend more time mentally and emotionally in my past than in my present life or future. I’m constantly analysing every detail of every past moment I’ve experienced. This is done both subconsciously and consciously. Even the dreams I have when I sleep are more than 50% related to my childhood and not my present adult life. Also, my dream self is always me as a 12–14 year old and still transitioning from primary to secondary school.
SJ: I heard you in your interview with Andrew Gold talk about also having synaesthesia — Is this a usual feature of HSAM and can you give an example of the way in which you experience it in waking life and dreaming?
RS: Synaesthesia isn’t an unusual case when a person can easily recall various things, even though I’m not certain (due to having not been told) if most diagnoses of HSAM have synaesthesia attached. However I would be very surprised if the case truly was that the two conditions didn’t frequently co-exist together, whether or not they’re diagnosed/recognised. Synaesthesia gives a person unrelated senses to all information in their lives (including tastes, visualisations of colours/objects, sounds, physical sensations etc.). In my own case, senses I get with life experiences and memories organise everything in my mind. Much like colour coding papers and files. This makes it much easier and quicker for me to retrieve past events of my life, even if on the surface they appear to be mundane and meaningless.
Whenever I’m dreaming I experience synaesthesia as well, and the senses I get are perhaps even more intense than while I’m awake. Despite virtually every (direct) sense of my body being at rest for a short while, I can taste, smell, mentally visualise and sensationally feel so many things whilst I’m dreaming.
An example which comes to mind is from a dream I had when I was six. A classmate was holding a giant colourful pencil (the ones that were a craze in the mid 1990s). Whenever I was shown that pencil I could taste and smell the sausage of hotdogs, which I have always absolutely detested. After experiencing those tastes and smells for a couple of minutes I saw the pencil in the dream turn into a multi-coloured sausage. That made me wake up feeling disgusted and nauseous. Remembering that dream makes me nauseous even now.
This interview is a companion piece to a FACEBOOK LIVE interview with myself, Anthony Peake and Rebecca Sharrock on MONDAY 11th January at 10am (UK Time) Link here:
https://www.facebook.com/events/1062609507550248/
SARAH JANES
